Missing My Camera

It's that time of year when my shutter would be going crazy. A time where all one would have to say is "Let go out to the park." or out in nature somewhere and I wouldn't hesitant disregarding what I am wearing snatching my camera bag up and bolting out the door.

Not this year though.

This weekend we are joining my sister and niece to the pumpkin patch provoking my longing for what is lost.



I am taken aback by the fact my little camera drew me out of my house more than anything. Maybe the cloaking effect of being behind the camera energizes me to be outgoing. Since it has gone kaput, I stay home bound even more. This could merely be a coincidence but it feels as if I lost a piece of me. Oiy the only material nonsense I have attached myself to- a camera. It wasn't anything fancy, I had not yet graduated to the DSLR world. Though it was a nice trainer allowing me to go manual in functions capturing some amazing shots.

Though I yearn for that chase, finding of angles, seeing something others overlook, the pure solo enjoyment of capturing moments. Ok hubby follows and watches me other wise I would fall of a cliff, stumble into river, or run into things due to the trance like state I enter. The amazing thing with photography it is purely self satisfaction for me, I could care less if others like the shots. (surprisingly many have)  I can't say the same in any other aspect of my being, there is always a wondering of making others happy, am I behaving correctly or worrying in the back of my mind.  With photography I have freedom, joy and a dance. It is a spiritual feeling, connecting with whatever I may be capturing with a click. Sunsets really take me to another place, I forget everything around me. In many ways it becomes my own world looking through that lens. Disregarding everything I grew up on, lessons of behavior drilled into me when around others, proper manners and demeanor blah blah blah. All out the window when a camera is in my hand. Pure bliss.

I know I will reenter it again one day when funds become available. Priorities must be in place and I will not deter from the goals I have made when it comes to money management. I may eventually be content to get an inexpensive point and click, seeing as I didn't plan on the camera kaputing so prematurely, if extra funds come available. I feel guilty even considering such. Patience though, yes patience. For now I will simply miss.