Content to Ponder

Every now and then there are statements or comments that pierce right through me, though they aren't intentional by the speaker. Nor are they necessarily directed at me. Imagine for a moment a snow slimer (you know from Ghostbusters) and he is charging straight for you but as he gets closer he adds that last minute burst speeding up going right through you. Well instead of being slimed you are pelted with thin icy shards that shoot right through you, thousands of tiny ice needles transporting through your core chilling pain similar to splinters with that frost burn feeling exiting out the other side. Leaving you dazed and covered with goose bumps. Did you get a chill imagining?  That is how these moments feel for me. I quickly conceal any notice that the nonchalant statement has had any affect on me, well at least attempt to I am not always successful in such. I keep so much within out of fear of hurting others with my pondering and/or sifting. This doesn't prevent such moments from happening though.  In the end though I am content to ponder over the thought rather than charge out for answers. 

One thing I have learned over the years is that with patience answers have a way of revealing themselves without stirring up or causing drama. This is big for me seeing as with any drama there is always pain in one shape or form- intentional, deliberate, accidental and/or incidental pain. Where many innocents are the ones whom become hurt. Knowing pain all too well I refuse to purposely, though best intentions may be present, cause any others unsought information or pain all for the sake of my curiosity and pondering. To me that seems utterly selfish. So I will ponder with smiles, tears, half jokes, and wild imagination till the truth and answers present themselves as needed. Of course over time I will share such but it is so hard for me to share sometimes that which is locked within me not wanting to burden others with my woes nor speak them aloud. Life is short and should be filled with as many positives as there can be had. And yes I chickened out on this post but I am content to ponder- to myself for now.