Five years

Bless my hubby's heart, enduring my mood flip flops as of lately.

This year, the fifth anniversary of my sister's last hug and visit here, has been weighing heavily on me. February was the last time we were all together. In retrospect things seems so bizarre. Almost as if  fate gave us an inclination of what was to come the following summer. That last visit was spent with more focus on sisters hanging out rather than focusing on the little ones. The three of us going out and just sitting around together laughing, reflecting bygone days and sharing. Even the good byes were different. I cried so hard along with sissy, where normally I wait till after they are out of sight.

I look back and smile though. It was a great quality of time though a rescheduling due to Christmas gathering postponed due to her stay in the hospital with mrsa. No that had nothing to do with her death. I wonder sometimes if that visit would have been different had we all known that four months later we would no longer have her in our life. But no it would have been the same, maybe more pictures taken together.

These uprisings in feelings I believe are stemmed from what my mother in law is going through with her sister currently. Momma's sister woke one day having an attack of sorts, though it was deemed not a stroke, and has no memory of anyone- not her husband  her kids, siblings any one. It's as if she has checked out. The belief is that life became overwhelming and her mind did just that, checked out, rather than dealing and persevering. Doctors can not find anything physically wrong to explain this memory loss.

I find myself thankful. For though I lost my sister to death I do not think my heart could endure what Momma is having to experience, being unknown to one she has walked in life with side by side from birth.

Five years has passed since that last hugg and physical contact. I miss her daily. I miss the sound of her voice and that warped sense of humor that was her own. I miss our phone calls that had become regular the year before her passing. I miss her updating me on the boys. I miss her frantic calls worried over nonsensical issues. I miss her at various anniversary points- Feb for last hugg, April for her birthday, My birthday in June when we had our last phone call a week before she was gone, and then the anniversary of her passing. Each of her sons' birthdays reminding me of her sharing the news of their coming to the world. Thank goodness for memories and that they were aplenty, still I miss her!